Ending a romantic relationship can be extremely difficult, especially if you still have feelings for your ex. You may be wondering if trying to rekindle the relationship goes against biblical principles.
This comprehensive guide examines what the Bible says about ex relationships and provides guidance on how to move forward in a godly manner.
Letting Go of Past Relationships
Focus on Your Relationship With God
When a relationship ends, it’s natural to feel hurt, angry, or resentful. However, holding onto negative emotions prevents you from moving forward. The Bible encourages us to release grudges and find peace through faith in God.
As Philippians 4:6-7 states, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
Rather than dwelling on what went wrong, spend time in prayer and scripture reading to strengthen your spiritual foundation. As you draw closer to God, He will comfort you and bring clarity about next steps.
As Isaiah 41:10 assures, “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
Forgive Your Ex
Though incredibly difficult at times, forgiveness is vital for emotional healing. Jesus emphasized the importance of forgiveness in Matthew 6:14-15, stating “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.
But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” Releasing resentment helps you process the hurt and prevents destructive outcomes like prolonged depression or cynicism in future relationships.
Begin by asking God to soften your heart and guide you in letting go. Consider writing a forgiveness letter to help clarify feelings and transition into a more positive mindset. As Ephesians 4:31-32 explains, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.
Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
Don’t Try to Get Revenge
Attempting to get even with an ex or make them jealous often backfires. It reflects immaturity, prevents healing, and contradicts biblical principles. Romans 12:17-19 cautions believers to take the high road, stating “Do not repay anyone evil for evil.
Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath.”
Rather than acting spiteful, release hurts to God in prayer. Trust that He will right any wrongs in His timing. As 1 Peter 3:8-9 explains, “Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult.”
Moving forward in a spirit of grace and maturity demonstrates godly character and wisdom.
Is Getting Back Together Acceptable?
When a romantic relationship ends, the temptation to reconcile often emerges. Still, reuniting requires solemn consideration. By evaluating the reasons behind the breakup, praying for guidance, and establishing healthy boundaries, former partners can make an informed decision.
Consider the Reasons for Breaking Up
Before contemplating revival, couples must reexamine why they initially separated. According to research from the Journal of Family Psychology, the critical causes of breakups include:
- Lack of commitment
- Poor communication
- Financial disputes
- Mental health issues
- Domestic violence
If core conflicts remain unresolved, reunification likely aggravates existing problems. Partners should have candid conversations, apologize for past harm, establish accountability, and demonstrate personal growth.
Pray About Reconciliation
Prayer grants clarity amidst confusing relational circumstances. The Bible says, “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously” (James 1:5). Through humble petition, the Lord reveals His perspective on reconciliation.
Additionally, scripture cautions against moving too hastily: “The purposes of a person’s heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out” (Proverbs 20:5). Time allows motivations to surface. As sincerity proves, faithful prayer may lead former sweethearts toward restored intimacy.
Set Healthy Boundaries if You Reunite
If deciding to rekindle love, couples must establish mutually agreed upon emotional, physical, and spiritual boundaries to foster security. According to research published in the Journal of Sex Research, partners who set clear expectations early report greater relationship satisfaction.
Helpful guidelines involve:
|No controlling behaviors
|Equal commitment to meeting each other’s needs
By honoring parameters, couples create an atmosphere of trust critical to healthy bonding. They also reinforce changed outlooks and loving behaviors.
Moving On in a Godly Manner
Trust God’s Guidance
When a relationship ends, it’s normal to feel hurt, rejected or abandoned. However, as Christians we can turn to God for comfort and wisdom on how to process these emotions in a healthy way (Proverbs 3:5-6).
We must trust that God has allowed this trial in our lives for a purpose – to refine us, to draw us closer to Him, to prepare us for future relationships that align with His will (Romans 8:28).
Rather than trying to figure everything out on our own, we can cast all of our cares upon Jesus, trusting He understands our pain (1 Peter 5:7). Through prayer, He can grant us supernatural peace and perspective that passes human understanding (Philippians 4:6-7).
As we lean into Christ during this season, He promises to carry our heavy burdens so we can simply trust and follow His loving guidance for our lives.
Guard Against Sexual Sin
God designed boundaries around intimacy and sexuality for our good – not to deprive us, but to protect the beauty of physical union within committed marriage covenants (Hebrews 13:4). When relationships dissolve, loneliness and desire for connection can tempt us to compromise these standards God set forth.
However, we must remember that God sees and knows the motivations of our hearts (Psalm 44:20-21). Rather than seeking fulfillment in ungodly relationships, He urges us to find wholeness in Him alone. As we guard our minds and bodies against sexual temptation, the Holy Spirit empowers us to live pure, upright lives that honor Christ (1 Thessalonians 4:3-5).
Date Other Believers When You’re Ready
While ending relationships can feel devastating, God promises He has wonderful plans for our futures (Jeremiah 29:11). When the time is right, He may lead us to pursue romantic connections again. Seeking support in Christian community can help us process relational grief and gain wise perspective on when and how to start dating again.
When we do feel prepared for new romantic possibilities, God’s Word offers guidance. Forming connections with other believers who share our faith values helps ensure partners who will encourage our walks with Christ (2 Corinthians 6:14, Amos 3:3).
Through prayer and godly counsel, we can navigate future relationships in alignment with His will.
Coping With a Breakup Biblically
Seek Comfort in Scripture
When going through a difficult breakup, it’s important to remember that God is always there to provide comfort and healing. Here are some key Bible verses to reflect on:
- “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” – Psalm 34:18
- “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” – 1 Peter 5:7
- “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.” – Proverbs 3:5
Meditating on God’s word helps bring perspective to heartache and reminds us that we are never alone, even in immense grief. God can heal the deepest wounds when we lay our burdens at his feet through prayer.
Rely on Christian Community
One of the best ways to get through a breakup is to surround yourself with other believers who can support you. Reach out to Christian friends, join a small group bible study, or talk to a pastor or counselor at your church.
Having people to lean on provides accountability and encouragement to keep moving forward in faith. Together, you can share scripture, pray, and process emotions in a healthy way. And you may be able to support others going through similar struggles.
Pursue Personal Growth
A breakup, while extremely painful, can also be an opportunity for reflection and growth. Consider this a chance to rediscover your worth outside of a romantic relationship and strengthen your personal connection with God.
Explore new hobbies and activities, nourish your mind through Christian books or podcasts, take a class on biblical wisdom, or get involved with a ministry at your church. Volunteering and helping others gets the focus off your own pain.
Most importantly, continue to pray, meditate on scripture, and lean on your Christian community. With God’s help, you will get through this difficult time and come out stronger in your faith.
Signs God Wants You to Reconcile
Mutual Desire for Reconciliation
If both you and your ex genuinely desire to mend the relationship and are willing to put in the hard work, it may be a sign that God is opening the door. According to marriage experts, around 6 out of 10 couples seriously consider reconciliation at some point post-breakup.
If you both long for restoration at the same time, pay attention. However, the desire itself is not enough – it must be paired with humility, accountability, and change (see next heading).
Accountability and Change
For reconciliation to succeed, the underlying issues that caused the breakup need to be addressed. Reflection and change are required. As stated in 2 Corinthians 3:18, we are continually being transformed to become more Christlike.
If you and your ex-partner are both committed to personal growth – through counselling, life coaching, mentoring, or spiritual guidance – reconciliation may be part of God’s plan.
Important questions to ask:
- Have we owned up to our individual mistakes and shortcomings during the relationship?
- Are we able to have mature, open, and loving dialogue about what went wrong?
- Do we hold each other accountable for problematic attitudes/behaviors moving forward rather than tossing blame?
Without accountability and an earnest attempt to transform into better versions of ourselves, reconciliation may be premature.
Confirmation Through Prayer
As believers, we are called to continually seek God’s guidance concerning every area of life – including relationships. Be honest during prayer about your hopes for reconciliation as well as your reservations.
Ask Him to clearly open and close doors, align or realign relationships according to His will.
“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously” (James 1:5). Approach God sincerely and wait patiently for His confirmation. Signs may include:
- Bible verses or sermon messages about forgiveness, restoration, and second chances
- Prophetic words from trusted friends/mentors about the situation
- Supernatural peace as you consider reconciliation, despite past hurts
- A relative who shares a personal story of repaired marriage/dating relationship
While the above signs are encouraging, if doubts remain, take more time seeking God’s face through fasting and study of scriptures concerning relationships. His voice offers the wisest counsel.
As you navigate the turbulent waters of relationships and breakups, seek wisdom and comfort from God’s Word. The Bible provides helpful guidance on when to pursue reconciliation versus moving on. Most importantly, keep your relationship with Jesus Christ first, trusting in His perfect plan for your love life.
With faith and patience, you can emerge from heartbreak stronger in your faith and ready for new godly relationships.